The only thing keeping me going these days is my growing obsession with Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra. I flipped the fuck out the day of the Korra finale and had this big post all ready to go about it... then I deleted it and posted NOTHING instead.
So, in short, I guess I've been depressed since my grandma died, although it's difficult at this point to even qualify it as depression because it feels like anything but. I just can't bring myself to care about hardly anything. I'm not sad, I'm just tired. Bored. Fed up.
Loneliness is creeping back into my daily life though. I find myself stopping to wonder how many of my former friends actually miss me, or think about me at all, and my brain answers "none of them," though I know that isn't true. Even when people give me second chances I just shrug it off because I know I can't do it anymore. I'm such shit. It's not even interesting shit anymore though. I feel like she'd cringe if she could see me now.
For the past week or so there's been a tremendous swarm of red wasps constantly making nests outside our front door and in our yard. They buzz anyone who walks outside and it's gotten so out of hand that every single day we kill a few and there's always more to take their places. I don't usually condone wasp killings but this shit has got to stop. They are literally employing stealth techniques against us now. They built a fuckhuge nest inside one of our bird feeders and there's a strong possiblity they've got nests all around our street, which is why getting them to relocate has proven so difficult. Shit, guys. Haven't I been a friend to your kind for years? I fear, but like and respect, wasps, and this is the thanks I get. Goddamnit. Fuckin' hymenopterae.
I feel like I'm just killing time till November, when I can start my novel. I am having the hardest fucking time coming up with names for my characters, but the worldbuilding is proving to be enjoyable. If only I could come up with something to fill the next three months with to kill time... ugh.